Healthy Individuation and Blending Energy Fields
February 3, 2025
Maintaining our sovereignty and strong individuation may seem like a paradox in Tantra for some, because Tantra is all about merging in the wavelike nature of reality that is seamless and beyond all ideations of individual separateness. But we can’t let go of individuality until we have fully integrated and sustained our individuality.
Looked at closer, Tantra is about remaining centered within your essence of self while simultaneously blending with another consciousness into a greater whole. Truly blending between humans requires that all participants have found their own source of light. Only after making this crucial integration can we authentically surrender to another without losing our own center. This is true with partners, friends, family and God, and translates to how we hold our energy field in relationship to reality itself.
Understand how multiplicity and unity work -- to enter the Oneness (with another person, with the planet, universe) is not a dissolving of the individual. Rather, the Oneness is found through the clarity, strength and fullness of our individuality. A greater, more coherent defining of Self allows that much more of us to enter every sacred contract of relation.
What I have shared here translates on many different levels. When it comes to basic relationship dynamics, we may look at the two poles or opposites. We know what it feels like, when one partner is too rigid, over assertive, dominant, controlling and self-centered. The other side is too passive, tends to get engulfed, and loses oneself in the partnership. Partners often magnetize to one another to play out these basic patterning, one being more dominant and directing, the other more passive and merging with whatever unfolds.
Master Tantrika Lalita Devi sums it up beautifully:
"Everybody wants to let go, but how do you let go if you don't hold things, if you don't touch things in full consciousness, with a totally open heart? Many beginning yogis make this mistake. They let go before taking hold. They lose contact with reality. The heart is never opened. They enter into a sterile void and remain imprisoned there. When you touch deeply, you no longer need to let go. That occurs naturally. The world is to be passed through in full consciousness. There is no other way, not a single detour or shortcut. When you hold something with all your consciousness, like the newborn who grabs your finger, it is enough to open your hand. Why is it that a newborn has so much strength? Because his whole being takes part in the movement that results in seizing your finger. In this instant he is so strong that you are in his power."
Engaging with the infinite nuances of tantra requires maintaining just enough distinction to navigate the dance of dimensions. Overly strong individuation can hinder the blending essential for permeable exchanges, allowing us to fluctuate and blend across various cascading levels and realms. Too little individuation leaves nothing defined to interact with or reflect, no matching pressure to push against or creating the stable grounding together to move into the next octave of union. Continuously discovering that perfect balance is the art of the dance. This principle applies not only to intimate encounters with a partner in a focused tantric way, but also to engaging with life itself and entering higher, subtler states of being.
Uncovering these nuances within you is a big key to revealing your patterns in relationships and how you orientate to life. Consider this question to inquire into your position on the scale:
Where do you stand in terms of maintaining your individuality and energetic sovereignty?
1) I tend to get engulfed and lose myself easily, energetically and emotionally
2) I know how to hold my own energy in certain ways, but my wounds still play out within partnership
3) I can easily merge with people and blend with higher worlds, and occasionally don’t maintain individual integrity
4) I have strong individual sovereignty that feels healthy and allows me to play with polarities and not be thrown off my center
5) My individuation tend to be too strong, controlling, and overly contained and I have trouble merging and surrendering with others
According to where you stand, your transformation comes in seeing WHY you tend to not hold your sovereignty or WHY you individuate too intensely as a means of protection.
My personal experience
I had a big learning lesson with this one in my last 2 relationships, which were in many ways the most extraordinary and matched partners I have ever had. But soon in to the journey in BOTH, my mother wounds came in. My version of losing my sovereignty arose as over-giving, blending too deeply into her and being too attentive to her processes and wounds, and eventually felt engulfment, which was what happened with my mom, her raised me solo for many of my younger years.
I have a tendency to place relationship so prevalent at the center of my focus, that other things fall away. I dive in 110% with my heart, my presence, giving it all I have, over-devoting to it, ensuring that it burns powerfully and brightly, and surrendering my whole being into it…. Because this is what I learned love was when I was younger. You completely merge and give you whole being into it.
So I am still learning that balance.
And what all couples must learn is how to hold space for the other, while you hold your own ground. Knowing when to step in as a pillar of support, and when to allow the other to go through their own process. Each time my partner went through a wave of being triggered, feeling insecure, or move through a wound, I was instantly there helping her through it, as I love this kind of shadow work and alchemy and healing, and I am good at it.
So that is just one example of how sovereignty relates to basic partner dynamics. Now let’s look a little more at the subtler realm of energetics.
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The Dynamics of Blending
To play with the infinite subtleties of tantra requires you to remain differentiated just enough to experience the dance of dimensions. Without it, it is like having sex and going straight to orgasm obliteration and just staying in that dissolved state, instead of the tantra of cultivating electro-magnetism up the helix and down, remaining as your eternal presence, yet fully embodied, within and between.Too much differentiation or individuation doesn’t allow for blending, as we must stay permeable in our exchange, where we can oscillate at various cascading levels and realms….Too little individuation and there is no definition to reflect in the mirror, there is nothing to push against.If you’d like to explore more of this wisdom and the applied practice of, consider coming to my upcoming retreat in Bali April 3-9, or taking my online training, both of which you can navigate to in the top menu bar!
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